The Baby Decision

A weird thing happens when you turn 30, you start to think about babies and settling down and starting a family. Even if you never thought about it before. Even if you are, technically, settled down and have been for a while. I used to think that the biological clock that everyone spoke of was bogus. That there was no way that you would suddenly start wishing for a baby and feel like your time is running out. But, it’s real. And, it’s a loud ticking clock.

For years, I’ve been back and forth on the baby train. I nearly broke up with my high school boyfriend because I told him I never wanted to have kids. That was back when we thought we’d be together forever, before we grew up and realized that we were not meant for each other. I should have figured it out sooner; you don’t get panicky and teary-eyed listening to Better Man by Pearl Jam if you’re meant to be with someone.

Throughout my early 20s, I was the regular ol’ party girl, ready to hit the clubs or strip clubs with the boys, always excited about a party. I’d stay up until the sun came up talking and laughing and dancing, and of course, drinking. The only worry I had about babies was if I accidentally made one. I wasn’t sure what I wanted yet, but didn’t think too much about it because I was still so young and free; why would I need to start thinking about babies, now?