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I’ve Become Scared of Everything
I’ve become a fraidy cat. Scared of everything around me. It’s happened so slowly over the years that I didn’t notice how far it went until recently.
There have always been things I’ve been afraid of. Death, even though it is what it is and there’s no point in worrying because you’ll be gone. Running out of gas in the middle of a busy road. Gross, nasty little bugs. My anxieties and fears ratchet up these things, making me more afraid than I need to be, but they’re pretty standard things.
As a child I was fearless. I’d climb trees and go further around the block than I should’ve on my bike, pushing the limits as far as I thought I could get away with. This stayed with me into my early 20s, as it usually does. I couldn’t die, I was above the law, I would always land on my feet.
Now? I’m afraid of heights, something that I never knew I was afraid of until I was at the top of the CN Tower looking down. Suddenly, my palms got sweaty and I started to cry. I didn’t mean to cry, I didn’t even feel particularly scared, I just couldn’t control what my body was doing, so I let the fear take over. Fear of heights is a legitimate fear people have and I don’t have to dangle off sky scrapers anytime soon, so no harm no foul for this particular fear. Move on and continue with life, ignoring balconies and suspension bridges.
